Uprooted – that’s how I feel in Mumbai these days; a city that I have called home for 14 years, the one that I finally fell in love with in 2018, is now making me feel unsettled and I am not sure if it’s the feeling I should fight or embrace.
As much as I love traveling and being at a new place every few months, I have always loved to come back home. Instagram posts of throwbacks to old trips and missing the places I’ve visited have never made sense to me because I rarely miss a place once I am back. And this feeling of wanting to come back home was stronger all of last year. Whether I was on a work trip to Varanasi, leisure trip to Thailand with my best friend or on an assignment to Denmark, I was happy to come back to Mumbai after the end of it all. I don’t know what home meant to me at that point. Was it the familiarity of my bed, my room? But then that very home became unbearable for me in the last few weeks I spent there. Were it my friends? But I am connected to them no matter where I am. Or was it a person? I know it isn’t wise to build homes out of people, but at times it’s all the rooting you want in life.
But now that the person has gone and the home’s been undone, I feel like the idea of having a place to come back to has fallen apart for me. I feel unsettled here and it’s not the same feeling I had earlier when I didn’t know where I was traveling to next. It’s the feeling that’s telling me that this uprooting is good; that I need to find a new home, that I need to move away from a place that constantly nags me with memories; And till that happens I will continue traveling cause right now that’s what making me feel settled.
One of my favourite songs to perfectly describe my life-state right now.